Monday, 31 January 2011

Gay Tendencies @ Church

Do not tell me I am the only person who realizes this?

Gay Tendencies also known as "GT" Happens [in the church]. It's right before being an actually Homosexual and right after Bromance.  See visual. 

 To clarify nodding buddies are just guys that pass each other and nod. Teammates are guy that are on the same sport team. They talk about tappin dat, whos bang-able or not, and who won the basketball game last night. 
 You see it happen but what do you do? You find out the kind of music he listens to [Britney Spears, Benny Benassi, Ricky Martin]. You notice what he wears [upside down visor or pre-frayed baseball hat]. You hear about his favorite show [Keeping up with the Kardashians]. But no no no, this is not what tips you off to realize something is off. It's the fact that when he hangs with his buddy he's just way too close with his Bro or the things that are coming out of his mouth when he hangs with his Bro just makes you worried [let's just chill]. 
 Literally group of my friends and I found have found a new reason why we have a Picture Directory. Not to see who cute or not [any one who sits and does this just needs to stop] but to sit there with your friends and see who has gay tendencies. We have more in our ward than we think. I was naming a guys from left to right. Aly was naming off a few. Tysha was denying every single one Aly named off and Jordon was just agreeing with Tysha and I. Really though, I think you would be surprised how many we named. I know that you know that we know the obvious guys who are on the border of "GT" & "Homosexual". But what about the non obvious one that we named [don't you wish that I would name off all the guy?] It blew my mind of all the ones that no one else suspected. My gay-dar has only led me wrong twice my whole life. [four times if you count "GT"s] but detecting who they are in the ward has been alot harder than i thought it would be. I guess all i'm sayin is the girls in the ward keep complaining about why the guy aren't asking them out and maybe it's because they don't want to be barking up the wrong tree OR we girls are just making up this whole "GT" thing because they aren't asking us out. It seems like it's this whole mathematical dating equation that they didn't teach in high school. Who knows maybe they did teach us. All i know is that i suck at math. 
Post Scriptum: If he tells you when he was younger that he's been with another dude. [in any way shape or form] Walk away. Saves you the heart ache.  

Ever Thine Ever Mine Ever Ours

What does that even mean?! 
Ever Thine Ever Mine Ever Ours.

  So my girl Brandy reads my blog and a few days ago and she kept telling me that she wanted more love.  She wants to read about BOYS! LOVE! & any other of that ROMANTIC stuff. [She also wanted a shout out....] Truthfully it's kinda hard to write about all of that. Not alot of things get to me emotionally. So i don't easily get the urge to write about those things. Plus it falls in the category of PDA. Also known as Please Don't do it Around Me.  Maybe it's the non-girly side but i don't even like crying in front of people, so PDA is out of the question.
 You know who's relationship is too PDA-y for me right now? Matt Drake & Kayla Williams. Everyone else has seem to taken my advice, read my Rules for Dating in the Singles Ward. But not this couple. I'm not gonna lie, they are cute. Matt finally got a girl. But i do not want to see all of that. I almost wanted to delete Matt Drake as a friend on facebook cause I kept seeing all that PDA-y stuff on my home wall.
 I know everyone [probably just Brandy] wants to hear about that guy from Morroco who keep calling me every weekend to see if we can get back together or what happened to the German guy [ i have no idea what has come of him] or that guy in the ward who keeps texting funny/random things [it's never been so difficult to tell if someone likes you or not] but i'm not going to write about about them! Cause how can i write about something i'm not even sure about.
  Give me some time. I'm looking for someone [not too hard though really]. And when i find someone i'll tell you [ but just not too much]
 Post Scriptum: How many guys does a girl have to make-out with before guys begin to think it's TOO MANY?

Sunday, 23 January 2011

Application to Be My Best Friend

Recently one of my best friends has pissed me off, to the point where i think i might need a new one. But I don't really want to leave it up to chance. No no, leaving it up to chance is for suckers. And I look to good to be a sucker. 
If you think you got it then fill out the form and send it to

Application to Be Jersey's New Best Friend


How many times have you ever watched "Gladiator"?
How many times have you said "flip" in the past week?
Favorite Quote?
What are the five food groups?
Favorite Website: 
Favorite Color:
What's your wing span?
Favorite Pizza Topping:
What martial arts do you specialize in?
Did you spend your time learning martial arts with a bushy-eyebrowed old man from Asia?
Did you eventually become the master?
How many guys have you made out with since high school?
What's your favorite Will Ferrell movie?

If you answered anything other than "Talladega Nights: A Ballad of Ricky Bobby", you can stop right here, because there's no way you can be my best friend.

Do you own heels?
What is your Color Code Color?
Does your family have a history of ugly people?
Who is better looking: Channing Tatum or Eric Dane?
What is your Myers-Briggs type?
Have you served in the military?
Was it a secret branch? 
What was the name of that branch?
What is your astrological sign?
Can you incapacitate someone using only your pinky?
Can you eat a 2lbs burger?
Can you speak another language?
What is your position on taking naps?
What is your favorite Disney princess?
Have you ever been molested by a Carebear?
What is your favorite video game?
What is your favorite television show?
Do you like cuddling?
How many hours do you spend listening to music?

NOTE: If you are a guy, tear up this application and just send a picture of yourself with your shirt off, all sweaty. Preferably with tools around you.  

I, the undersigned, residing in the county of __________, state of ________, do hereby declare my intent to shop, hang out, party, and participate at laughing at Jersey's jokes and anything else Jersey Previlon deems appropriate. I accept that submission of the above application represents my consent to participate in pre-Best Friends Activities and/or Colorblind to determine the most qualified applicant. I recognize the possibility of humiliation if not picked as a new best friend. I release, discharge and agree to hold harmless Jersey Previlon and her other best friends from any and all liability, claims or demands arising from participating/becoming Jersey Previlon's best friend. 

The undersigned have read and fully understand and agree to the forgoing. 

     Applicant Signature

Wednesday, 19 January 2011

Finally...2lbs of Meat In My Stomach

Well Kinda.

So let me start with if any of youse give me grief about this, then i will see if you can try to put two lbs of any kind of meat in your mouth. [TWSS]
   So Walter and David get to The Counter and they pre order my burger for me. Just so everyone knows i'm black. I like my red meat to have no pink at all. I'm sorry. I'm not like youse white folk who like to have a bit of pink to insure the tenderness. No no no. I'm pretty sure in Africa they cook that meat to look like the color of their skin and that is how i'm going to eat it too. I'll date white guys, but i'm not going to eat like them.  But anyways Walter pre orders my burger and he gets it wrong so they have to throw it back onto the grill [and just so you know the second patty definitely had some pink in it]. 
  As we sit there waiting for my burger, i choose my topping. Now let me tell you about the topping, i wanted to make sure that i had a chance to finish this burger. So topping were scarce...had me some spicy peppercinis and BBQ sauce. Simple and good. 
  Then a plate of 2lbs of meat was sitting right in my face [TWSS]. 

I grabbed my fork and knife and ate the 1 3/4 lbs like a boss. Actually Walter wouldn't even admit it [and i shouldn't admit it either] but i ate the first 1 lbs like it was nothing and Walter knew that was something he could never do. But eventually i began to eat slower and slower to the point i couldn't even chew anymore. As i began to chew slower and slower, Walter and Danielle thought it would be okay to just dig in my meat. They just went for it since they thought that i wouldn't finish. So technically I never said i gave up! Boogers just began to dig into my food when they saw me slowing down. So there ya go, that is the story of how i got 1 3/4 lbs of meat in my mouth [TWSS]
Post Scriptum: If I missed any "That What She Said"s just make a mental note of it and write me a letter 7 years from now and i'll get to it then. Thanks. 

Monday, 17 January 2011

Sushi or Snow?

Looks like we got both.
*This is a dramatic written story about a weekend that made Georgia the laughing stock of the east coast*
So the story begins with Danielle & I going over Samah house so i could meet his family. Because of my addiction to sushi I need to have sushi right then and there. So we finally convince Samah Abbnaserddine (Yeah try saying that three times fast… bed) and his sister Mirna to go to get sushi with us. We left around 8:30 ate really fast and tried to book it home. Well we never made it to Samah house by car. Because as Danielle was driving down the hill on Johnson Creek in Marietta and we started sliding, cars everywhere sliding. Left and right. Cars getting into accidents. Cars stopping. Cars going. So instead of trying to navigate ourselves through the wreckage we decided together [actually Samah yelled that we should blow this banana stand] that we would trek our way to his place. So I threw on my most comfortable shoes threw on some pants whatever clothes we had in the car and we walked. We walk about six miles [maybe more] in the heavy falling snow. We walked and walked and walked. It got so bad at one point Danielle and I even began singing Called To Serve "Onward ever onward as we glory in his name.." Felt like we were the pioneers making our way to Utah. To be truthful I really couldn't stop laughing at our situation. It was so funny that I literally had to stop myself from thinking i was going to pee on myself because I didn't want to get frostbitten and cut off my beautiful long legs. So we finally make it to his subdivision. You would think that our story is coming to an end right?! Samah lives on a fr*!#ing hill! So i'm busting my a$$ up the hill then down the hill. We finally get close to Samah house and his wonderful dad comes up half way up the hill with two umbrella's and to help us down the stupid hill. [Really i don't know how umbrella were going to help our situation but it was the thought of the wonderful Lebanese man had that counted]
  Well we finally get his house but we cannot leave cause 1. he lives on a steep hill and no one has a four wheel drive and even if you do, it doesn't matter cause it's too slippery to leave. 2. Danielle's car gets towed because it was hit by a police car and another car. AND 4. We really didn't want to leave cause his family was really hospitable and Samah's mother is the best [Lebanese] cook.
So with good food i never really wanted to leave.
But eventually the snow melted and i got tired of looking at Samah's tall a$$ and hearing Samah's "Halah Halah Halah Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey" Plus I wanted to see my own family. So I "holla"ed at my best friend Mamasita [Briana Philips] to picks me up in the Beast [the Expedition] and I slept for days on ends. Or until i had to go to work the next day.
Post Scriptum: Actually my story really doesn't end there, I also had to sleep with the elderly for an evening cause I got stuck at work for a day. Let me tell you Death lives at the Independent Home. Death. No wonder all those old people are so grumpy old grouches. Old Farts.

Questions That Will Be Answered On The Otherside

1. Why do people get lost in the Bermuda Triangle?
2. What happened to the Roanoke Colony?
3. What happened to Micheal Jackson's other glove?
4. Is "Nessie" a.k.a. The Loch Ness Monster real?
5. Where IS Waldo?
6. What is the krabby patty secret formula?
7. Why didn't Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever hook up?
8. Are Men really from Mars?
9. What happened to Justin Gaines?
10. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
11. What day did the music really die?
12. How many licks does it take to get the center of a tootsie pop?
13. If a tree falls in a forest and no one but a deaf person is around to hear it does it make a sound?
14.  Who is the Mothman?
15. Why is yawning contagious?

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

Places Where NOT To Meet A Guy

  1. The Men's Bathroom 
        For some reason the men's bathroom just doesn't sound too appeasing. I mean they just got done doing their business. Why would you want to run into a guy in there? The only reason why you should be in the men's bathroom is because there is a long line at the girl's bathroom and you have the balls to use the men's bathroom.             
  2. At A Nude Beach 
        Do you literally want to show him all of your imperfections that early on? I would wait until you know he want you to have his babies. After that point you can pretty much do whatever you want. That includes gaining weight.
  3. The Rocky Horror Picture Show
    Two words. He ain't even straight.
  4. A Walmart in Alabama
    Can anything be more country [or ghetto]? Only in the south [and BYU-I] do we value Walmart so much that we will let it be our matchmaker of love.
  5. The Honor Code Class
    At BYU [& Idaho] if we break the honor code we have to take a class almost like detention, actually a lot like detention to try to insure that we don't break it again. Just imagine you sitting in class then there is cute guy in front of you but the only thing that is running through your head is "what did he do to get himself in here" and he's probably thinking the same thing about you too. Do you want to start off your relationship off that way?
  6. Planned Parenthood Clinic Waiting Room 
    This guy is waiting for his preggo girlfriend while she has her ultrasound [why isn't he with his girlfriend? I don't know; DOUCHE] or he has an STI and need to talk to the doctor for some antibiotics.
  7. The Corner where Mexican's stand for work 
    No Job, No Green Card, No Thank you.
  8. The QT Gas Station
    Better than Walmart at least.  
I don't know why I felt like this need to be written. But why not?

Post Scriptum: Sadly I've actually met a guy at one of these places.