Tuesday, 23 August 2011

He's Shorter Than Me

Sometime early this year [ i am not willing to say the specific dates] I madeout with a guy shorter than me. Of course it was just for fun [My Mama would kill me and everyone would think i was dating beneath me] [Literally]. But this N.C.M.O with this new FROG made me think...what would happen if I actually dated some short guy. Here is what I would do. 

Things I Would Do If I Was Dating A Short Guy

1. Always wear high heels 
2. Never Slouch 
3. Whenever a tall guy walks into a room, start a fight with him and tell everyone your defending your man you know he can't.
4. Whenever you and your man are going to the mall hand him a monkey backpack...with a leash attached to it.
5. Whenever you get in a fight with him yell "Don't you get short with me"
6. Ask him to jump on a couch ecstatically whenever he talks about your relationship. Preferably if front of black woman.
7. Whenever your man makes a joke about his height, laugh the loudest and always try to top it.
8. Always bring up fascinating facts about Oompa Loompa's.
9. Constantly put things out of reach, ask your man to get it then have a look of realization on your face, look him up him down then say "Never mind i'll get it"
10. Let him believe that you think anything is better than being short. When playing "Would You Rather" ask him would he rather be a short girl, short boy before he has the chance to answer, answer for him and say "Lesbian"

Post Scriptum: In the end this would get him to discontinue dating taller women...or just black women....or maybe JUST ME. 

1 comment:

  1. Haha, you're a jerk, but I like it! I had friends tell me I was picky because I hated dating short guys even if they were still taller than me, but even if they were like 5'6" (I'm 5'3"), it weirded me out and I would feel like I was dating myself and/or keep trying to decide who was taller -- me or him. Picky or not, I ended up marrying a guy that is just under 6', so BOOYA, HATERS!!!