Sunday, 13 March 2011

N.C.M.O's with Frogs

I've kissed alot of frogs. I mean alot. I should even start calling my self The Real Frog Princess. I've kissed so many frogs in the past that my girls Phillips and Green couldn't remember who was who and they suspected that I couldn't remember either. So they made me start a list! What a list? Who would have thunk it?

So my list started in 2008. That year was also called BYU-I Like To Make Out. I'm not gonna lie that year was like good wine. It was nice to buy and have but now you just want to put in the wine cellar and forget about it. 
   It all started with Too Much Pressure. He was my first BYU-I kiss. In the snow literally. Like some BYU-I N.C.M.O. fairy tale. It was fun cause he was young, I was young.  He was just looking for something that wasn't serious. I totally understood that. He was putting his papers in that year and didn't want anything to hold him down. This one last about a month before he pulled a fast one on me and found some other girl. Which was fine because i only liked looking at his muscles and whenever we made out he ALWAYS kissed with too much pressure. Gosh, half of the time i thought he was going to crush my face! After i stopped hanging  out with him i had hope some girl had taught him how to really kiss. 
  Next was Shorty McWhore Whore. He was the biggest mistake ever. Not only because I can't even remember if he was a good kisser or not. Which mean since I can't remember that he wasn't good enough for me to remember.  All i can remember was that he liked to exxagerate his stories about what would happen between us to his friends. Truthfully i should tell you that I did make out with him to get away from my boyfriend. Which would make me sound bad. Really bad. But want to know why he would always be the bad guy? My boyfriend was his childhood friend, he even used to babysit him! He was beefy and shorty actually really beefy and short. And he will always be known as Shorty McWhore Whore
  Voldermont was the one I shouldn't even admit that made out with. The one who shall not be named.  Every girl has the one guys; when you look back you have no idea why you were dating him. If the temperature had been right, the sun aligned in the right demension and my confidence was way better I wouldn't have dated him.  But I did and he broke my heart. I cried for a whole two days. I remember the excuse he gave me also; some thing about going to BYU-I and just coming off his mission, needing to be able to date more people blah blah blah.  Wanna know the funniest thing? I don't he could find anyone to date as cute as me. Actually i don't he could find someone period.

  ChickenPeck this guy was really simple. If i had been more mature and he had been more communicative. This one could have actually worked. Psyke! Well kinda. It just would have lasted longer. Take that back. Now that i remember, I made out with Shorty McWhore Whore while dating ChickenPeck. I would have felt much worse about what i did if I was in an actual relationship with ChickenPeck. But I wasn't. And the reason why he's called ChickenPeck cause we never really madeout. He just gave me pecks. Pecks on the lips to say hello and pecks to say goodnight. For Strength for Youth would have been proud of our relationship. But I wasn't. 
  Denver was my favorite N.C.M.O. in the year of BYU-I Like to Make Out. This is even one my girls Green and Phillips can remember who this is. I meet this guy in the airport in Denver, we chatted over our interest in music. Exchange number. Went on a date. He picked me up. Went to dinner. Saw The New Pornographers. He drove me home. We made Nana & Popa driveway until 7 a.m. Denver was the best kisser ever. Maybe it was the John Mayer playing in the background or maybe this guy just KNEW what he was doing. 
  DeadBeat Beefcake I just wanted him for his body. He was just so good to look at. I know that makes me sound shallow. And it'll make me sound even worse cause Deadbeat Beefcake actually just wanted me for my body. If you know what I mean. (He wanted S...E...X..) Yeah when I found that out, I said dueces. Want to know what's sad? I should have said dueces when I found out he was almost thirty living with his mom. And definitely should have after his mother walked in on us making out and yelled at him for being up past his bed time. But I was 18 and I didn't want to know better. 
  CuteMexican & RaunchyMexican we're best friends. And we made out at different time of course. With at least two months in between each of them. But they were drunk and I was sober. So i can't even blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol. But it was my partying years. Every Saturday. I'd get my hair did, get all dressed up, go dancing, make out, then go to church the next day. I did this every weekend until I got tired of it. And I got tired of it pretty quick. CuteMexican was just so adorable, while RaunchyMexican was just so annoying. 
  So these are just some of the frogs i've kissed...yes just SOME in the year of BYU-I Like To Make Out. The ones that matter at least. And when I say matter i mean the funny ones that i can write about but wait there is more.. I had to kiss alot of frogs. Which means there are more posts with more frogs. So stay tuned. 

Post Scriptum: You know that saying you have to kiss alot of frogs until you find your prince. Well i'm doing my best. I promise. I'm going to do my best making out with a bunch of frogs until I find him. This is going to be the hardest job ever. Psych! 

Monday, 7 March 2011

Is He My Boyfriend?

Use this checklist to run away from the guy who is moving way too fast or to tell motha you FINALLY have a boyfriend. Either way, if you can check off most of these requirements on this list, then it looks like you got a situation here.  So now go to my playlist play Boyfriend by BTR while you read my get into the ambiance. 

 1. He calls you before noon. 
 2. You've meet his family
 3. You've meet his friend and they like you.
 4. You know you'll get a kiss at the end of the night
 5. He calls you on the weekend to make plans
 6. You've been to his place
 7. Your introduced as "His Girlfriend"
 8. You talk about the future
 9. He's brings you Mike & Ike's 
10. You go into the club together, knowing that your leaving together at the end of the night. 
11. He knows your bra size 
12. He's seen you without your makeup 
13. He knows when it's that time of the month
14. You've had the talk also known as DTR (Determine The Relationship)

Truthfully if you had #14 DTR and it goes well, You're his girlfriend. 

Post Scriptum: Riddle: I currently can check 8 off of the this list but I still don't technically have a boyfriend. Why is that? Anyone who can answer this question correctly gets cookies baked by me!