Sunday, 12 December 2010

The Care and Ownership of Your Boobs/Junk

1. If you jiggle, wear a bra. This means you. (Yes, you) it is not antifeminist.
2. No matter how puny your equipment, don't wear the kind with giant pads inside. If a guy "accidently" bumps into them (like in a steamy car, or on the make out couch) he will wonder why they feel like Nerf balls instead of boobs. And if you forget and wear a normal bra one day, everyone will then speculate on the strange expanding and contracting nature of your boobage. 
3. Do not adjust your self more than twice around the ladies. The first time is cause your uncomfortable, the second time is cause you thought you got away with it with no girls seeing and the third time yeah you just playing with yourself
4. This is when I think everyone should be a little bit Jewish. Circumcision. Nuff said. 
5. A helpful hint: for optimal shape , go in the bathroom stall and hike them up inside the bra.
6. Do not perform the above maneuver in public, no matter how urgent you think it is. 
7. For those who hold their junk (ehm..Niggaz) Do you think it's going to go somewhere? Either wear your pant's higher or keep your hands away from your junk. 
8. If your wondering what should hold your junk...Boxers or Briefs? It should be Boxers. Maybe Boxer Briefs...but I'm advertising this. Just advertising that i don't want to see your panties almost look like mine. 
9. Get yourself sized! Every few months to makes sure your still the same size and after you've lost/gained weight. Cause we want your boobs to be the best boobs they can be, well supported and higher for optimal perkiness. 
10. Colored bra's should match your outfit or be flesh tone. Unless your making statement, and in that case I would like to make a statement too. You hiz-whore no one wants to see your bra. 
11. Self examination: What do you think Mo-vember was for? For your health?! Wait it actually is was. So check your junk. If it's looks a little funky or feels a but lumpy. Get checked. 
12. Self examination: Feel for abnormal lumps around your boob and underarm area. Mammograms yearly if there is history of breast cancer in your family.  Plus this is reason to say someone touched your boobs. You just don't have to tell them it was you or doctor! 


  1. stop watching me adjust my bra in public! i can't help that the girls have a mind of their own :)

  2. then ninja you need to stop adjusting them in public! that is not one of your ninja skills! :)