Sunday, 31 July 2011

Shh...Let's Keep This A Secret.

Shhh...Let's keep this a secret. 
That is probably the last thing a guy wants to hear after making out with a girl. 

Why is it that that I can recall saying this way too many times in my short [yet very experienced] dating life?  Are there good reasons why i should ever utter those words to these poor young men? Plenty.

Reason#1 He Looks Better With The Lights Off
The night always make guys look pretty decent. It's called the Edward Cullen effect. They purposely flirt with girl at night so the magic of the Edward Cullen effect will start and they manage to get girl that they would have never been able to get in the daylight.

Reason#2 He's Too Easy
Look around the room. Look for that guy who if you were just to give him a bit of attention you guys could be  "Drinking Kool-Aid" by the end of the night. Ever had those days where you are just way too needy? And you just want to "Drink Kool-Aid" also better known as "Makeout". Those kinds of guy are great for that night, maybe that week, or even as summer fling but never ever as boyfriend.

Reason#3 Your Friends Hate Him 
Your friends cannot stand him. His name is the punch line to all of your jokes and they have good reason to hate him. But now you've made a big mistake of "drinking kool-aid" and you've gotta keep it a secret.  So now all of your jokes with his name as the punch line have to the funniest of all your friends. And you have to laugh the loudest when your friends make fun of him. Just so they don't suspect anything. [Motherfather! Some of my friends jokes aren't even as funny as mine but I still have to laugh at them]

Reason#4 You're Cheating
What did you do? Drink too many Rockstars?! Ate too much Ben&Jerry's?! Find some Blueberry Yum Yum? Cause you're high on something. You got someone perfect [i guess he ain't THAT perfect cause you ARE cheating on him] and now you've made the mistake and made out with the one person that everyone hates. Anyone with half a brain would want to keep this a secret.

Reason#5 He's Embarrassing 
I would say this would be 95% of the reason why most people would have secret relationships. What is it? He's too nerdy? An idiot? Maybe way to eccentric? Whatever it is you can't let him meet your friends and you definitely can't introduce him to yo mama.

One or all these combine [kind of like the Captain Planet of Secret Boyfriends] is enough reason why you would to keep this on the down low. Just not enough reasons to know why you DRANK KOOL-AID WITH HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Post Scriptum: Drinking kool-aid makes your lips red...and so does making out. Right Phillips? Probably why black people have the biggest lips. We drank our purple kool-aid ALL DA TIME!