Saturday, 25 December 2010

How To Lose A Guy In 7 Ways

  1. Show him you've been paying attention.
    Mimic him. Try to talk exactly like him, laugh exactly like him. Try to even think like him. The best flattery is to mimic the person you like. Wearing/buying clothes that look like his is going to far…but wearing his underwear isn't.
  2. Mesmerize him with your wonderful vocabulary.
    Wow him with your text friendly acronyms as MUCH as possible. (OMG, J/K, TTYL, W/E) when he gets tired of this then include more advance words for example: like, totally, for realz, get out, that's hot and my favorite nu uh!
  3. Make X your favorite letter and his worst nightmare.
    Include your ex's to social activities with your current boyfriend as much possible. Need ideas for activities? CPR training (pick your ex as your partner), pottery classes (think Ghost), shopping (but only ask your ex to come to the fitting room).
  4. Be all up in his Facebook
    Send and accept as many friend request as possible. Constantly update your status with every mundane task. Oh and all of those friends you've made yeah they are your new therapist/friends. Don't be afraid to tell them all of your problems and business. In graphic detail. Sooner or later your boyfriend will realize that you're not happy, he'll want to talk to you and you'll use your new words that you've acquired and say "We can't be b/f and g/f anymore but it's w/e cause we can still be friend. Ttys" Now you can change your status to "Single"
  5. Make his opinion count…for NADA! He likes you with long hair, you're getting a rihanna hair cut. He says go left, go right. He wants Italian you want Sushi! You get my jist. 
  6. Watch him in his sleep...all night long. Think "She's the Man" and when he wakes up make sure he knows he's been watch all night long. He'll be able to tell with your dark circles and your crazy hair.
  7. Talk in baby talk all day with babys breath…no I'm not talking about the flower I'm talking about your mouth smelling like milk and vomit. Just like a baby.
I'm tired of all these self help book trying to help you get a man… sometimes you gotta get rid of one. But if you don't wanna go through all of these steps maybe you just need to say "Nigga we over, i've found me another man (or sugar daddy if you want it to sound like the real thing) who wants to pay my bills" and if he's still not buying it then just top it off with "Plus I gotta have a baby soon cause my eggs time bomb is a ticking and he's willing to support all of this and move to College Park to have our wonderful[ghetto]family" Babies and Money always make guys leave, at least that's what i've been told.

No comments:

Post a Comment