He's Shorter Than Me

Sometime early this year [ i am not willing to say the specific dates] I madeout with a guy shorter than me. Of course it was just for fun [My Mama would kill me and everyone would think i was dating beneath me] [Literally]. But this N.C.M.O with this new FROG made me think...what would happen if I actually dated some short guy. Here is what I would do. 

Things I Would Do If I Was Dating A Short Guy

1. Always wear high heels 

2. Never Slouch 

3. Whenever a tall guy walks into a room, start a fight with him and tell everyone your defending your man you know he can't.
4. Whenever you and your man are going to the mall hand him a monkey backpack...with a leash attached to it.
5. Whenever you get in a fight with him yell "Don't you get short with me"
6. Ask him to jump on a couch ecstatically whenever he talks about your relationship. Preferably if front of black woman.
7. Whenever your man makes a joke about his height, laugh the loudest and always try to top it.
8. Always bring up fascinating facts about Oompa Loompa's.
9. Constantly put things out of reach, ask your man to get it then have a look of realization on your face, look him up him down then say "Never mind i'll get it"
10. Let him believe that you think anything is better than being short. When playing "Would You Rather" ask him would he rather be a short girl, short boy before he has the chance to answer, answer for him and say "Lesbian"

Post Scriptum: In the end this would get him to discontinue dating taller women...or just black women....or maybe JUST ME. 

N.C.M.O's with Frogs Part Deux

My list continues in 2009. Also called the year of Repeat Offenders. It just happened [Again and Again]. That's all I've got to say about that. 

First [Again] is Shorty McWhore Whore. It was bad the first time. It was worst the second time. (A tale of two cites much?) I wish I had some cute remark to make about this. But i don't. Cause it was that bad [again]. 

Repeat Engager was alot of fun. Only cause we were exactly on the same page. We didn't want anything more. Than what it was. Plus it made some of my roommates jealous. That no matter what, that was the best part. Repeat Engager was called Repeat Engager cause in the time that I've know him he's been engaged four times. If you think I have commitment issues. Meet this guy. 

Next was Jersey Boy. Now if I thought Chicken Peck was annoying then Jersey Boy took the cake! Jersey Boy took me on plenty of dates. We hung out at his apartment and played video games. We went to a old folks home on one of our dates (that was fun and awkward). He introduced me to his brother. But eventually nothing was happening. He never kissed me. He lent me his jacket. He would pick me up. He would call me (doesn't mean i would want talk) But he NEVER KISSED ME. Later on I found out why [he's not gay]. I think I might have been the wrong girl at the wrong time. I think I could have not been the one. But now I'll never know. 

Then there was Dare 1 & Dare 2 Twas a night in Rexburg, Idaho where we  had a black out. And instead of a New York blackout where 9 months after there is a increase of babies being born. In an Rexburg blackout you play truth or dare. Someone dares you to make out with someone and 9 minutes later you still have a bad taste in your mouth. You see the similarities right?

Fudge Truck was really fun. Green & Phillips hate him. They didn't like the fact that I was making cookies for him and his roommates instead of making it for them. They didn't like the fact I was using him to have a guy a around [and other things] or they didn't like that he thought he was using me but as in a matter of fact I just like having him cause he made me feel good about my cookies. Oh by the way Fudge Truck made Fudge and sold it. Sold it with his best friend. I guess you can call them Fudge Packers. [insert realization here]

Repeat Engager [Again] Well I guess it wouldn't be called the year of Repeat Offenders for nothing.  Green and Phillips don't even know this but we were watching a movie [for some reason i recall the movie was "tommy boy"] then I got a call from Repeat Engager I made it sound like it was from someone else  told them I was gonna walk out to hear the "person" better. And never came back. Sounds like a horror story doesn't it? But I assure you. It wasn't. 

Okay that was the year of the Repeat Offenders. You wanna know something. This wasn't a very eventful year. I barely remember it.

I could have lived without this year. Take that back. I could have lived without the guys. 

Post Scriptum: I hope this new secret that I just revealed doesn't put a damper on my friendship with Green and Phillip. If they must know I've matured alot. And if a guy called me now to hang out [or whatever] I wouldn't try to hide it from them. I would be up front and honest with them. I wouldn't wait two years to tell them that I ditch them for a guy. 

I would wait one year.  

N.C.M.O's with Frogs

I've kissed alot of frogs. I mean alot. I should even start calling my self The Real Frog Princess. I've kissed so many frogs in the past that my girls Phillips and Green couldn't remember who was who and they suspected that I couldn't remember either. So they made me start a list! What a list? Who would have thunk it?


So my list started in 2008. That year was also called BYU-I Like To Make Out. I'm not gonna lie that year was like good wine. It was nice to buy and have but now you just want to put in the wine cellar and forget about it. 
   It all started with Too Much Pressure. He was my first BYU-I kiss. In the snow literally. Like some BYU-I N.C.M.O. fairy tale. It was fun cause he was young, I was young.  He was just looking for something that wasn't serious. I totally understood that. He was putting his papers in that year and didn't want anything to hold him down. This one last about a month before he pulled a fast one on me and found some other girl. Which was fine because i only liked looking at his muscles and whenever we made out he ALWAYS kissed with too much pressure. Gosh, half of the time i thought he was going to crush my face! After i stopped hanging  out with him i had hope some girl had taught him how to really kiss. 
  Next was Shorty McWhore Whore. He was the biggest mistake ever. Not only because I can't even remember if he was a good kisser or not. Which mean since I can't remember that he wasn't good enough for me to remember.  All i can remember was that he liked to exxagerate his stories about what would happen between us to his friends. Truthfully i should tell you that I did make out with him to get away from my boyfriend. Which would make me sound bad. Really bad. But want to know why he would always be the bad guy? My boyfriend was his childhood friend, he even used to babysit him! He was beefy and shorty actually really beefy and short. And he will always be known as Shorty McWhore Whore. 
  Voldermont was the one I shouldn't even admit that made out with. The one who shall not be named.  Every girl has the one guys; when you look back you have no idea why you were dating him. If the temperature had been right, the sun aligned in the right demension and my confidence was way better I wouldn't have dated him.  But I did and he broke my heart. I cried for a whole two days. I remember the excuse he gave me also; some thing about going to BYU-I and just coming off his mission, needing to be able to date more people blah blah blah.  Wanna know the funniest thing? I don't he could find anyone to date as cute as me. Actually i don't he could find someone period.

  ChickenPeck this guy was really simple. If i had been more mature and he had been more communicative. This one could have actually worked. Psyke! Well kinda. It just would have lasted longer. Take that back. Now that i remember, I made out with Shorty McWhore Whore while dating ChickenPeck. I would have felt much worse about what i did if I was in an actual relationship with ChickenPeck. But I wasn't. And the reason why he's called ChickenPeck cause we never really madeout. He just gave me pecks. Pecks on the lips to say hello and pecks to say goodnight. For Strength for Youth would have been proud of our relationship. But I wasn't. 
  Denver was my favorite N.C.M.O. in the year of BYU-I Like to Make Out. This is even one my girls Green and Phillips can remember who this is. I meet this guy in the airport in Denver, we chatted over our interest in music. Exchange number. Went on a date. He picked me up. Went to dinner. Saw The New Pornographers. He drove me home. We made out...in Nana & Popa driveway until 7 a.m. Denver was the best kisser ever. Maybe it was the John Mayer playing in the background or maybe this guy just KNEW what he was doing. 
  DeadBeat Beefcake I just wanted him for his body. He was just so good to look at. I know that makes me sound shallow. And it'll make me sound even worse cause Deadbeat Beefcake actually just wanted me for my body. If you know what I mean. (He wanted S...E...X..) Yeah when I found that out, I said dueces. Want to know what's sad? I should have said dueces when I found out he was almost thirty living with his mom. And definitely should have after his mother walked in on us making out and yelled at him for being up past his bed time. But I was 18 and I didn't want to know better. 
  CuteMexican & RaunchyMexican we're best friends. And we made out at different time of course. With at least two months in between each of them. But they were drunk and I was sober. So i can't even blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol. But it was my partying years. Every Saturday. I'd get my hair did, get all dressed up, go dancing, make out, then go to church the next day. I did this every weekend until I got tired of it. And I got tired of it pretty quick. CuteMexican was just so adorable, while RaunchyMexican was just so annoying. 
  So these are just some of the frogs i've kissed...yes just SOME in the year of BYU-I Like To Make Out. The ones that matter at least. And when I say matter i mean the funny ones that i can write about but wait there is more.. I had to kiss alot of frogs. Which means there are more posts with more frogs. So stay tuned. 


Post Scriptum: You know that saying you have to kiss alot of frogs until you find your prince. Well i'm doing my best. I promise. I'm going to do my best making out with a bunch of frogs until I find him. This is going to be the hardest job ever. Psych!