Best Submitted Application [to be my Best Friend]

Name: Luke
Alias: the Dark Knight
Age: 22
Height: 6'1'
Weight: 140
Hometown: g-town, USA
How many times have you ever watched "Gladiator"? once
How many times have you said "flip" in the past week? never in my freaking life
Favorite Quote? I am the gatekeeper of my own destiny and I will have my glory day in the hot sun
What are the five food groups? subway, pastaroni, martinelli, pizza, and chocolate
Favorite Website: just jersey blog
Favorite Color: black people
What's your wing span? enough to wrap around you (all that matters)
Favorite Pizza Topping: elves
What martial arts do you specialize in? chun kuk do
Did you spend your time learning martial arts with a bushy-eyebrowed old man from Asia?no, he's from oklahoma
Did you eventually become the master? physically impossible
How many guys have you made out with since high school? none, son
What's your favorite Will Ferrell movie? Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus, don't even know a word yet, just a little infant, so cuddly, but still omnipotent 
Do you own heels? no
What is your Color Code Color? black people
Does your family have a history of ugly people? not an ounce
Who is better looking: Channing Tatum or Eric Dane? channing tatum
What is your Myers-Briggs type? ISFJ
Have you served in the military? I can't talk about it
Was it a secret branch? obviously
What was the name of that branch? spanish language news
What is your astrological sign? scorpio
Can you incapacitate someone using only your pinky? if they're asleep
Can you eat a 2lbs burger? obviously
Can you speak another language? español, asl, and love
What is your position on taking naps? lying down
What is your favorite Disney princess? nala
Have you ever been molested by a Carebear? no
What is your favorite video game? band hero
What is your favorite television show? glee
Do you like cuddling? why yes
How many hours do you spend listening to music? only in the car

oh sorry, I just saw the last part. I don't own any tools, so please accept the application anyway. I anxiously await your decision.


I, the undersigned, residing in the county of __Utah________, state of ___Utah_____, do hereby declare my intent to shop, hang out, party, and participate at laughing at Jersey's jokes and anything else Jersey Previlon deems appropriate. I accept that submission of the above application represents my consent to participate in pre-Best Friends Activities and/or Colorblind to determine the most qualified applicant. I recognize the possibility of humiliation if not picked as a new best friend. I release, discharge and agree to hold harmless Jersey Previlon and her other best friends from any and all liability, claims or demands arising from participating/becoming Jersey Previlon's best friend. 


The undersigned have read and fully understand and agree to the forgoing. 


X_Luke Christensen__________________________________
     Applicant Signature

Application to Be My Best Friend

Recently one of my best friends has pissed me off, to the point where i think i might need a new one. But I don't really want to leave it up to chance. No no, leaving it up to chance is for suckers. And I look to good to be a sucker. 
If you think you got it then fill out the form and send it to Prevolon@gmail.com. 

Application to Be Jersey's New Best Friend

Name:
Alias: 
Age:
Height: 
Weight: 
Hometown:
How many times have you ever watched "Gladiator"?
How many times have you said "flip" in the past week?
Favorite Quote?
What are the five food groups?
Favorite Website: 
Favorite Color:
What's your wing span?
Favorite Pizza Topping:
What martial arts do you specialize in?
Did you spend your time learning martial arts with a bushy-eyebrowed old man from Asia?
Did you eventually become the master?
How many guys have you made out with since high school?
What's your favorite Will Ferrell movie?


If you answered anything other than "Talladega Nights: A Ballad of Ricky Bobby", you can stop right here, because there's no way you can be my best friend.


Do you own heels?
What is your Color Code Color?
Does your family have a history of ugly people?
Who is better looking: Channing Tatum or Eric Dane?
What is your Myers-Briggs type?
Have you served in the military?
Was it a secret branch? 
What was the name of that branch?
What is your astrological sign?
Can you incapacitate someone using only your pinky?
Can you eat a 2lbs burger?
Can you speak another language?
What is your position on taking naps?
What is your favorite Disney princess?
Have you ever been molested by a Carebear?
What is your favorite video game?
What is your favorite television show?
Do you like cuddling?
How many hours do you spend listening to music?


NOTE: If you are a guy, tear up this application and just send a picture of yourself with your shirt off, all sweaty. Preferably with tools around you.  


I, the undersigned, residing in the county of __________, state of ________, do hereby declare my intent to shop, hang out, party, and participate at laughing at Jersey's jokes and anything else Jersey Previlon deems appropriate. I accept that submission of the above application represents my consent to participate in pre-Best Friends Activities and/or Colorblind to determine the most qualified applicant. I recognize the possibility of humiliation if not picked as a new best friend. I release, discharge and agree to hold harmless Jersey Previlon and her other best friends from any and all liability, claims or demands arising from participating/becoming Jersey Previlon's best friend. 


The undersigned have read and fully understand and agree to the forgoing. 


X___________________________________
     Applicant Signature

Conversations With Danielle

With Oprah leaving television what is going to happen to TV? Actually the real question is going to be, where are people going to go when they want free stuff?  

 Have you ever had someone that you hang out with alot that you basically just feed off of them and they feed off of you. That is how i feel with I hang with Danielle. She gives me the best material for me to be funny. When I was younger I wanted to be a comedian. Really badly. Then i realized that was pretty much going to be pretty much impossible. I can say random funny thing but I am not constantly funny like Niki Lemley. Who i think just bleeds funny. 

 The best compliment I could ever get from anyone is for them to say i'm funny. Forget about being pretty, that's so normal. I want to be funny. 

 So talking about Talk shows and Oprah was an actual conversation that I had with Danielle tonight. She hates the View. I love it. She watches Vegas while I love watching the Today show and Wendy Williams. (I used to watch the Doctors but they keep talking about SEX, and for reals though you can only have someone talk about SEX and how many things can go wrong when you do it for so many episodes) so then Oprah came up. My question was what is television going to do when Oprah leaves? Danielle assured me that Oprah leaving isn't like Y2K. Danielle isn't black, she doesn't understand. 

 Everybody get a car! You get a car. You get a car. You get...Actually forget that Oprah gives away bigger "sugar" than that...Everybody get's a country! You get a country. You get a country! Everybody get's a country with a Flag. 

S*%t I wish I was Oprah.